


you said there is no end

by akaeijis



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Breaking Relationsips, Canon Compliant, M/M, Post-Canon, Sad, im emo, klangst, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-12-01 06:36:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11480730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akaeijis/pseuds/akaeijis
Summary: When Keith wakes up, the left side of his bed is always empty and cold. When he comes back, he stalks straight to bed, barely raising his hand to acknowledge Lance on the couch, who has always waited late nights for him.They are not the same from before.





	you said there is no end

**Author's Note:**

  * For [esbis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/esbis/gifts).



> thanks skye, yossra, jay, pii, and stacey 
> 
> title and fic inspired by the song 'walang hanggan' or 'no end' which i really recommend you listen, despite not understanding tagalog, i'm sure you will all understand the pain it gives. it's everything i wanted to show in this fic
> 
> link [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkKW55qA2gY)

_you said there is no end_ —

 

 

Keith lights his cigarette, eyes wandering up at the night sky. 

He thinks back to when they were young. When they had the whole universe at their fingertips and all the stars in the galaxies to dance under. When they held hands to keep warm in a castle with cold walls, supported each other’s backs, grew into the people they are today. 

What happened? 

(He inhales.) 

They are not the same teenagers in love from a few years ago. They don’t have the burning flame that rushes through their veins. They no longer have to worry about the danger coming in like storms and sprinting to clutch on to the last signs of life, signs of love. They no longer leave biting marks, listen for beating hearts. 

They have grown from that. 

Of course, they still love each other. It’s hard not to. From friends to partners, combating life and death on a daily basis. They know that when danger comes, no matter, what - they’ll come rushing down and say,  _ ‘no, take me instead’ _ . 

But not in the same way as before. 

(He exhales.) 

 

_ - _

 

_ “Some people are meant to fall in love with each other, but are not meant to be together.”  _ __  
_ -Scott Neustadter _ __  
  


_ - _

 

When Keith wakes up, the left side of his bed is empty and cold. 

Lance always leaves early. 

Keith knows that Lance can’t stay still. He’s always been the more adventurous one. 

(“Why did you want to be a pilot?” 

“I wanted to be a fighter pilot to explore the universe. I just wanted to be part of something that’s bigger than I am.”)

Lance goes to visit his family, work at the restaurant, spends his nights on the beaches. Lance has grown fond of waking up early to watch the sunrise, something he’s been deprived of for so many, many years. 

There used to be notes that Lance would leave that would be scattered all over the kitchen:  _ ‘i’ll be with Maria today! don’t worry babe!’ ‘drink some water! it’s supposed to be really hot today!’ ‘going to upstate for a while, be back later’ _ . 

Then, they slowly stopped. 

Why? 

Keith takes his cup of coffee and opens his desk drawer. He’s kept all the sticky notes in here, after all those years. 

Sometimes, if he takes one in his hand, against the rays of the sun shining through the window, he can pretend they’re still okay. 

(This one is a light pink, written in sharpie.) 

_ ‘i love you, keith’  _

He leaves their little apartment to visit Shiro in the neighboring suburbs. Lance wanted to be closer to the city, to his family. Keith never liked it.  
  
The time he spends with Shiro involves tinkering around the garage, reading a few books, walking Shiro’s dog. 

When he comes back, he stalks straight to bed, barely raising his hand to acknowledge Lance on the couch, who has always waited nights for him. 

(When Keith brushes past the living room, sometimes he sees two young men in love, laughing at a movie they’ve never seen because they couldn’t. He sees them crowding over a fireplace, tangled limbs, whispering sweet-nothings. It doesn’t mean anything anymore.) 

Eventually, Lance stops waiting for him and Keith finds him fast asleep, towards the very left edge, face turned away. 

 

-

 

(He remembers when they spent an afternoon at Lance’s family, swinging back and forth on a hammock, running his hands through Lance’s hair.) 

 

-

 

Lance splashes the water by his feet. He’s been waiting for maybe three hours, maybe more. The bright of hues of red dim into a blue. The water is colder by his ankles, the wind biting. 

He texted Keith hours ago. 

 

_ ‘i’m by the boardwalk, do you wana come’ _

_ ‘it’s super refreshing here, it would be fun’  _

_ ‘still here! i had a tea from starbucks’ _

 

He stares at his phone, fluorescent light too bright for the night. He’s written:  _ ‘i miss you. why do you keep ignoring m-’ _

He backspaces. 

 

_ ‘i always send you texts about my day and you never respond except for okay and no and-’ _

 

Lance shakes his head. 

 

_ ‘what did i do wrong what happened-’ _

_ ‘i love y-’  _

_ ‘i loved-’ _

 

Lance bites his bottom lip. 

He sends, _ ‘it’s cold’ _ and never gets a response. As always. He comes home around ten pm and Keith isn’t home. As always. When he looks in their mirror bathroom, sometimes he can see faint traces of hearts drawn from soap and hand prints and cute messages that were written in the steam. 

Lance gets a rag and wipes the mirror clean. 

 

-

 

(He remembers when their planet finally reached into view and Keith wrapped his arms around him, shouting ‘we’re going home!’ and Lance kissing him square in the mouth.)

 

-

 

It’s a rare moment. They’re both awake in the same space. Lance used to drag Keith to Sunday mass, but now Keith stays home. They try to eat breakfasts together, though. 

Their eyes never meet, Keith stares at the peeling wallpaper. The dusty window sills. The cracks in the ceiling.

Keith’s eyes wander to the floating specks seen from the sunlight. It’s peaceful. 

He can try to forget the broken home. But it doesn’t mean it’s not there. 

Lance leaves in a crisp white button down, grasping the edge of the chair instead of Keith’s arm, lips leaving a ghost trail instead of a burning mark. When the door closes behind him, Keith brings his elbows to rest on their wooden table, running his fingers through his hair, wondering how everything became so different, so painful, so wrong. 

 

-

 

(He remembers when they first moved in and he lifted Lance and spun him around, they painted their room a calm blue and hung little airplane models and posted photos on the walls.) 

 

-

 

“Where are you going?” Keith points to the haphazard stack of pamphlets and maps and brochures he’s collected over the years. It was hidden under one of his desk’s drawer.

“Nowhere,” Lance mutters. 

(He told Keith about his love for the wonders of the world, how beautiful Earth can be, how it’s amazing how deep and unexplored the oceans are, how high the mountains are, how it would be wonderful to explore it all with Keith. 

He wonders if Keith forgot.) 

“What’s this?” Keith holds up a pamphlet that reads ‘Cuban Visa’. “What are you planning?” 

“I’m not planning anything!” 

“You can’t—” Keith clutches the paper so hard it crumples in his fist. The same fist that’s saved the universe, that saved Lance, “you can’t  _ leave  _ me.” 

Keith’s voice is so broken and raw and Lance can’t think and the blood crashes like the waves of the ocean and then the silence is too loud. 

 

-

 

(He remembers when they would leave all the windows open when they would take a drive, laughter bubbling at every second, then Keith taking one of his hands off the wheel to grab Lance’s and give a kiss to the back of his hand.)

 

-

 

He’s helping Shiro water the plants in his little garden when he says, “This isn’t healthy.” 

“What?” Keith asks, incredulous. “We’re watering plants outside?” 

“No, I mean,” Shiro motions for them to walk to the little veranda with a cute coffee table that Pidge picked. There’s ice tea already waiting for them. “Your relationship.” 

Keith watches the water drip down the glass. “What do you mean? Lance makes me happy. He always has. He’s everything.” 

“That’s what I mean. You’re forgetting that we’re friends. Hunk. Pidge.” 

Keith doesn’t want to hear. He keeps shaking his head. 

“You forgot about Lance, too. You forgot what it means to be you. You, without Lance.” 

“How _ — _ ” Keith can’t breathe, “That’s impossible! He’s always leaving and I’m the one trying to keep everything the same! I’m the one trying to bring us back to bef _ — _ ” 

“You need to know things aren’t the same as before. We’re on earth now,” Shiro keeps talking and Keith just wants everything to stop. “You both need different things right now.” 

“But I love him.”

Keith watches Shiro’s lips and his blood runs cold. 

“Not anymore.” 

 

-

 

(He remembers late nights of them whispering secrets they already knew, passing a bottle of alien alcohol back and forth, running hands through their hair.)

 

-

 

When Keith comes home, Lance is waiting. 

He isn’t sure how to feel about it. 

The couch is a mute red, fading on the edges and cushions constantly shifting. Lance isn’t sprawled on it like he would before, he sits on the edge, resting his cheek on his palm. 

“We should talk.” 

“No.” Keith shakes his head and tries to brush past him, but there’s a grip on his wrist.

“We’re not avoiding this. I know you.” 

Keith wants to scream, _ if you know me so well what happened?  _

He takes a seat by the other side. 

Even keeping the silence is a competition. 

“I wa _ — _ we want different things. This isn’t good.” Lance is the first one to speak. “I want to spend more time with my family, people I’ve lost connections with. I want to explore our planet. You want to stay here. You want to have a constant life _ — _ ” 

“Then why,” Keith’s voice is broken. “Why are you leaving, I thought we loved each-” 

“We loved each other.” 

Keith looks up. 

 

-

 

(He remembers when they said ‘i love you’ for the first time when they were gazing at one of the castle’s windows, they were the only people in the universe at that moment.) 

 

-

 

The moment Lance says those words, Keith looks up, grabs a couple of stale firewood and lights up the fireplace. 

“So go.” 

“Wh _ — _ ” 

“Not now, maybe.” Keith’s eyes stare at the fireplace. “But later.” 

Lance pulls his knees in, shuffling closer to Keith. He brings his palm to the side of Keith’s face to turn him so they can  _ really  _ look at each other. 

Keith’s hair has been cropped shorter, there’s a scar that runs down his right cheek. He’s warm, ragged, and beautiful. His eyes are startling as ever, intense and powerful. This time, there’s a film of glass in them, making the reflections of the flames brighter than ever. He knows his eyes are the same way. 

They both know. 

“Do you regret it?” The words fall out of his lips before Lance knows it and they stretch in the painful stillness. 

“No.” 

“Me neither.” 

Lance’s hands drag down to hold Keith’s hand in his own. He outlines the ridges and wrinkles as he brings his thumb back and forth. Keith reaches over and wraps his arm around his shoulders and brings him close so he can rest on Keith’s shoulder. 

It’s too still, too restless. 

Broken. Empty. 

He feels his eyes water and the burning in his chest erupts so it spreads all over his body, his throat feels like it’s peeling, after so long of suppressing sobs. He breathes a horrible, wretched sound and he clenches Keith’s shirt. 

 

-

 

_ “Some blaze brightly and fade fast.”  _

_ -George DeValier _

 

-

 

Lance is on the opposite side of the world. He set on a backpacking trip with his youngest sister. They’ve rested by a little beach area, she’s splashing around with a cute boy her age. 

He spots a man smoking a cigarette. 

(It reminds him of someone.) 

He stands by where the tide meets the shore. The sea salt plays with hair and the breeze tickles his feet and the sun kisses him. 

(He remembers when he brought a boy to the beach one time, because they both haven’t been there for so long and he wanted to share something he loved with the person he loved the most. The boy kissed him like the sun did.) 

He kicks the sand.

 

 

 

_ —but here we are at the edge _

**Author's Note:**

> title and fic inspired by the song 'walang hangan' or 'no end', like i said above
> 
> im also rly emo im sorry
> 
> to make it more emo you can read it as an aftermath to [let me melt under the heat of your sun](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11405835) i almost made it a legit series which i didn't but i could you know. 
> 
> my! [twitter](https://twitter.com/akaeijis)


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